I am ridiculous.

So this blog will be short and sweet. Well, not really sweet, more like something you thought tasted okay at first and then you swallow and it tastes funky. Yeah, that's it.

I am ridiculous. Here are 3 reasons why:

1. I lost my keys at the mall. Who does that? I had to call Todd at Army drill to get him to save the day. After going back to each of the 3 stores several times, the saleslady said that someone turned them in after finding them in a stack of clothes. In case you want to know, the finding of the keys took place as Todd was parking at the mall. Oops.

2. I wore my shirt inside out to church. No more explanation needed.

3. I am the absolute worst at lyrics of songs. My latest catastrophe was on the song Ride Like the Wind by Christopher Cross. (Yes, I had to look up who sings it. I'm ridiculous, but not that ridiculous.) Anyway, Todd busted me singing "blame it on the corners of Mexico as I ride like the wind". He just looked at me and said "There are no corners of Mexico." I still don't know the correct lyrics. Whatever.

That is it. Headed to my room where I am doing the opposite of nesting. I just go in and turn off the lights and pretend it is nice and clean. Ahhhh...the sweet smell of denial....and procrastination.....and laziness.

Blogworthiness.

First of all, let me start with the fact that I feel totally grateful that these are the dramas of my life. I have many friends going through serious, difficult times and I don't want to leave the impression that I am really devastated by any of this. It is more humorous to me actually.

So....
My day started with me rushing to meet my mom for my doctors appointment. After Ava said "You're going to pee in that cup?" with amazing amounts of mortification during the last appointment, I decided kids are not allowed to go with me. Ava has mentioned the pee incident numerous times. She did not find hearing the baby's heartbeat or seeing the doctor that delivered her memorable, just me peeing in a cup.
My mom wasn't there when they called me in and the kids had to go with me. This threw me off. I had to pee in the cup and I have no idea how but I missed like 98% of it. This threw me off. I made AJ call Grandmommy and left my purse in the hallway with him. This threw me off. By the time I had my blood pressure taken, I just looked at her with a nervous smile. Not too high. The nurse and later my doctor couldn't find the baby's heartbeat, so they had to bring in an ultrasound machine.

Now, this didn't throw me off. In fact, I thought PERFECT. I had my ultrasound a week ago to find out "the gender" to quote my 8 year old and they said girl. Now I'm not convinced. Here it is.

This is a shot looking at the baby like you are changing a diaper.
Legs in the air at eye level.
Because there is a lack of something between the legs, they said girl.
My thought is "or a future unhappy 15 year old boy".

I added this one just for fun.
I call this "Renesme" my sweet vampire pig.
Look closely and you will see vampire teeth and a snout.
Baby is looking up with skull to the left and body to the right.

Anyway, back to my story. So, I am excited about the ultrasound. I had a plan before going to the doctor - concern about low placenta, maybe some pains,... and while she was doing it, say "while you're looking, will you make sure it is still a girl?" I'm a planner. It is what I do.
Before I could say ANYTHING at all, she looked at me and said "We're only looking for a heartbeat." Okay, dang. Baby is great, fine, wonderful and still possibly a girl.

OH! For those that read the last blog, you will LOVE this. I asked about the Vs and she said that they have something that will help. Wait for it...



Fembrace Support Garments for Vulvar Varicosities
I didn't make this up, I swear!

Does this look like a cross between a jock strap and chastity belt or is it just me?
For those interested in purchasing one, they come in white and black!
Bad news, they cost $69.95, but the V brace is covered by most insurance plans.


Also, while I was there, my mother-in-law called to update me on my sister-in-law's labor. My mom answered because, as you know, AJ had my phone in the hallway. Apparently, they played with my phone awhile. More on that later.

I leave the doctor office.

"Yes, I peed in a cup, Ava."

I rush off to the grocery store to buy a few items to make dinner for a family from my church. Then off to the pharmacy to pick up meds for this nasty cough going around. BTW, coughing while pregnant with a 3rd child equals wet pants. My doctor just looked at me funny when I asked if there was anything I can do about that. I would NOT be having a no-pants day at the OB.

Once home, I am surprised that no one has called me about my nephew. When I look, I realized I missed the call 30 minutes earlier! Great. How rude is that. My ringer was turned off. So not my fault. Baby nephew healthy!

My plan, since I am a planner as you know, was to quickly make dinner within the hour, deliver it, then go to the hospital. I made 50% of the meal, then a storm blew through. I do mean blew. It was crazy strong. My first reaction was to look out front at AJ's most valuable possession - his basketball goal. Sure enough, it was down. Then the electricity went out.
My plan is not going so well. There is no way that any of it is going to happen. What I left out is when the goal fell, it fell into the driveway - directly behind my car. The goal weighs like 500 pounds, I'm pregnant and my husband is gone for Army drill for another week.

I'm trapped. No dinner for the family, peanut butter and apples for supper for us (Do NOT open that fridge!!), house is getting hot, kids want to see the new cousin, and I can't do anything about any of it. So, I sat. I figured that was the only plan I could see actually coming to fruition.

A mere hour later, the electricity was back on and I had my neighbor move the goal.

The family did not get the food. I assumed they had probably eaten by this point.
The kids and I went to see the new baby. I got to watch So You Think You Can Dance.
All in all, it was a good day.

I FORGOT THE TOILET PAPER.

Okay. So I have had several people want a complete rundown of yesterday's events.
Here it is.

It started out great. The kids fed and entertained themselves and I chilled out. While I was chitting and chatting with my BFF, Ava came into the room and said,

"Would you take a picture of my new fabulous hairstyle?"

I looked at her - purple boa around her neck, fancy dress, high heels, and wet hair - and thought nothing of it. That is my girl, always up to something. So, I said,

"I will in just a minute."

Fast forward a few minutes later, Ava comes in again and says,

"I cut some more. Will you take my picture now?"
What?????

She then took the boa off and I saw her "fablious" hairstyle.

Apparently, she had decided that she wanted short hair.
This is the location of the great hair debacle.

It was actually pretty cute from the front, but where she couldn't reach was rough!

Someone referred to it as a "way fashionable mullet."

Okay. Thinking about my day and my options, I tell her to get on her cheer clinic clothes. (I know. I didn't think I would have a daughter in cheer either. I actually paid for that crap. Luckily, she said it was boring. At least the first day.) Because cheer started in an hour and I had to feed, dress, get her hair cut, and take AJ to Grandmommy's , we headed out the door.

I had no idea where to take her. I wanted cheap. She wanted the kid haircut place. Seriously, I'm going to let her have fun and get a prize for that kind of behavior. Ummmm....no.
So, we went to a hair school thinking that it would be cheap.
When there, the hairdresser (Let's call her Noah, because apparently she is good with God's creatures and she really helped save my world.) starts to spray her hair and talk to Ava about what she wanted. I'm pretty sure she could tell with Ava's own styling but whatever.
As Noah is parting and brushing Ava's hair, I see something small and brown and round on the skin over her ear. Is that???? EWWW.
Ava has a tick on her head. I wasn't sure what to do. We only had a little bit of time until cheer and I really needed her hair cut. I thought if I brought it to her attention, Noah wouldn't cut. But Noah was Noah, and she wasn't scared of a nasty little tick. She did need to go check with her teacher to make sure that she was allowed. MORTIFYING. I called Grandma, the only person I could think of able to come and help me get that sucker off of her head. She was on her way!

Noah went ahead and cut her hair. Grandma came and got it off of her. (She swears by turning counter clockwise, then pinching its head off when it is detached.) Off we went to grab lunch, drop AJ off, then cheer.

Everyone thought it was hysterical at cheer. Cute new haircut. Thanks.
For those of you that know me, I think cheerleaders are stupid and slutty. Now this is an generality, not all of them are stupid. HAHA. No, I had some friends in high school that were cheerleaders and were awesome. Some of my bias about the sluttiness comes from the fact that 2 out of 12 got pregnant my senior year. Maybe I'm exaggerating. It is just what I remember. Anyhow, my daughter is in a clinic to see if she likes it. I'm just giving her options. Apparently, it is the one good mom thing I did yesterday, because haircuts and ticks were not. Here are some pictures.

Go team. Boo.

I've been told she is the flyer.
Her tiney hiney is the one on top.

Off to the grocery store. 2 hours, sore feet, the v's (Go to the bottom to find out what these are. Warning! Not pretty) over $200 worth of groceries later, I was ready to go home. I have everything I need so that I don't have to go to the store while Todd is gone to drill for 2 weeks.

I put all of the groceries away, took an after picture, and swept the Ava hair mess.

It looks cute, I know. Don't encourage her though.
It was her bright idea to hold her hair.

As I was cleaning up, I realized that she must have cut her hair with the boa on.
I think she used it as her guide to having evenly cut hair in the front.
Doesn't it look red? Strange.

DISCLAIMER: This contains TMI, too much information!

The v's are vericose veins of the vulva. I was told when I was pregnant with Ava that it would get worse with each pregnancy. This time it is here with a vengeance. Basically, every time I walk too much, lift my legs to roll over in bed or get into the SUV, or any other leg movement, I am in agony. Pull a Barbie doll leg off. The location where the leg meets the biz is where the pain is. Fun to experience.

Okay. Back to my story. I am ready for the day to be over. Family is fed. I'm in my comfy pants and my bra has been shot across the room. I go to the bathroom, so happy to be getting ready for bed, then.... you guessed it. No toilet paper.....in the entire house. Seriously????

So today I get to go to the grocery store again. Jealous?