Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Mall security altercation

Last night a few of my friends got together for GNO.
Let me give you a brief description of these women. We are 34 and up with 2-3 children each and desperate for a night away with grown ups.
Obviously, we are law breakers and up to no good.

After our movie, we walked to our cars and started talking. It had been awhile, so we had a lot of catching up to do. It was about midnight, so the mall was closed, but movies were still letting out so there were tons of cars in the parking lot.

A few minutes later, a mall cop, who we later named Paul Blart, drives up next to us and says,

" Uh, ladies, the mall is closed."

Right. We are all good patrons of the mall and fully realize that it is closed. So, we said what every normal woman would say, which was "Right."

He drives off and we continue talking. We notice that he has driven to the next row and is staring at us. The ladies with me are a wee bit more confident than me and proceed to say that Paul just wanted to say hello to us, to have the opportunity to check us out.

We see him start driving towards us again. Now, keep in mind - there are tons of cars, people coming out of the movies, and a cop car not too far from us.

"Uh, ladies, it's about that time."

Okay. As he's driving to his special "look out" spot, we start making fun of him.

"Time for what?" We decide that is what we will ask if he comes back again, which of course he does just moments later.

This time, he exerts his power. You know, he probably did have a really tough baton/stick in his belt holster.

"Uh, ladies, I've already asked you once. You need to leave."

"Why?" we asked.

"It is mall policy that people have to leave after the mall is closed."

We had many comment. Like:
"We're paying customers and we just came out of the movies."
"The theater is still open."
"We're just talking, not causing any problems."
"Blah, blah, blah."

Paul then picks up his CB radio and calls for backup. You know, we were rowdy and were potential criminals. We all rolled our eyes and our rebellious spirits rose. We would've probably left at that moment. It was getting late for a bunch of old ladies! But no, we took the challenge of the backup guard.

"I'm sending someone out here to explain it to you."
My favorite quote of the evening was made around this time by my good friend.
"Do you patrol the entire mall or just these two rows?" HAHA!

Good. Go ahead. He stayed parked there staring at us while we talked some more to one another. Since Paul was creepily looking at us, we continued talking behind his car.
We said goodbye and headed to our cars, which ours was right behind Paul's car.
About that time, backup arrived. Paul got out of his car, crossed his arms, and puffed out his scrawny 25 year old chest. Powerful is the only word to describe this impressive man.

Backup:
"What is going here?"

Me:
"We haven't seen one another in awhile and we're talking."

"It is mall policy that you leave when the mall is closed."

"Right. I didn't realize that it was such a massive deal to talk in the mall parking lot."

"Oh no, it isn't."

"Sure looks like a big deal with him outside of his car with his arms over his chest and calling for backup. Seems like it is a BIG deal."

"No maam, it isn't. It is just mall policy....."

"Alright. Good grief."

So, we get into the car and get ready to obey mall policy. Then, I got to say something VERY fun.

The security guards were standing by their car, talking. I leaned out of the window,

"Are you going to move your car, so we can LEAVE?????"

Talk that Paul and your backup buddy!

BTW, everyone is invited to a tailgate party next Monday night at midnight in front of JC Penney's! Good times!

4 comments:

  1. HAHA! This made me laugh. Count me in for the tailgate party.

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  2. hahahahhaha....oh my goodness. I am just guessing who was in your gang and geez, what scary women you all are! That is freakin funny!

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  3. You should organize a mass momming at the mall. I'd be there!

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